Let's be honest...

  Let me start off by saying that no one can fully understand how you really feel. You can tell them everything, your whole life story, you can be descriptive on every little feeling and detail, but even so, none of that will ever be enough to understand.  This is true for endometriosis, infertility, and I am sure so many other diseases. Sometimes the pain and heartache you are feeling really cannot even be put into words and explained.  I know it seems dramatic to some, but its true. 

   I have been blessed to have met so many beautiful women from all over the world on a social media app called "instagram". This community has brought me so much joy and so many friendships that go even beyond fertility.  It is truly, truly a blessing to have been able to meet other women who suffer through the same things I do day to day.  Family and friends in my life have been more than supportive, but there is just something about having a friendship with someone who just "gets it".

  Over the past few years I have tried to help those who are close to me understand where I am coming from in all of this and explain to them how some things that are said can be hurtful and hard to hear. I figured what better way to make it loud and clear than to shout it from the roof tops(of my blog) haha :).  I will try my best to make my statements with a little dash of humor to lighten the serious topic! Believe it or not, after all these years and months of trying to conceive and the pain I can still have a good laugh about it all!! SO lets get this ball rolling...

Number 1: I never know exactly when I am going to have a so called "good" day.  When I cancel because I am not feeling great or I just need to stay home and relax...trust me...I am not enjoying being held hostage in bed.  I do not enjoy horrendous cramps, aches or migraines.  I would love to go out on a Friday night knowing I am not going to get sick from whatever place everyone decides would be a good dinner out.  I would love to show up and be the life of the party, but unfortunately good days are hard to come by!  I promise I am not blowing you off, I really am just sick.

Number Two: I love being told I look sick. Joking obviously.  This one is pretty frequent for me.  I cannot tell you how many times someone says..."hmm, you must be having an off day you don't look so good!"  Well, gee thank you for letting me know, as if I didn't look in a mirror this morning and see the lovely bags under my eyes and the color that has left my face, and I definitely cant feel the razor sharp crushing pains that caused me to look like this, but hey thanks for noticing and letting me know I look like a train wreck.

Number Three: "She just wants attention." Oh boy, this one rubs me the wrong way for so many reasons.  Women who suffer with these diseases are far from begging for attention...at least I know I am.  Some of the reasons I and my friends speak out about Endometriosis and Infertility is not to have pity or for people to feel bad for us....its to bring awareness to our diseases.  To make people realize they are life changing and not just something we like to talk about for fun.  The second reason is so people understand we are not flaky, shady, or faking being sick to get out of things like work. We in all honestly really feel that terrible.

Number Four: "It could always be worse." Yes, indeed it could be worse.  I am not dying and I am blessed to have the beautiful life I have been given, BUT let me ask you this....Do you know what it is like to be alive, but never feel like you are actually living life?  Do you know what it feels like to never feel "normal" and to always feel like you are half doing life?  I will tell you, it sucks.  To be completely honest. But guess what? We get up everyday, brush our hair, throw on our makeup to cover the dark circles from sleepless nights, put on our million dollar smile and JUST DO IT.  It's what we have to do because this is the life we were given and at the end of the day God chose ME to be a warrior in life for a reason so I am not going to go down without a fight!!! 

Number Five: This one is usually just because they don't know what to say so they go on and on about their brother's best friend's little sister's cousin twice removed who had endometriosis and she ended up with 10 kids and chased rainbows and unicorns. Well, I'm happy for her really, but come on!   Every case is completely and totally different.  In fact, some women do not even know they have it!  Endometriosis ranges from not even knowing you have it to intense excessive pain and infertility.  She is very lucky to have dealt with the disease so gracefully.  It is kind to give stories of hope, but if you think about it, every other person I talk to that brings it up probably has a success story to share with me.  Sometimes it just makes you more upset because you wonder why you can't have it that easy.

Number Six: "You are so lucky to be able to have so many days off work." Yes I would say I was lucky too if I spent my called off days at the beach drinking a daiquiri getting a nice tan, but instead I am in my bed with a heating pad, loads of meds, some tissues, and chocolate (ok, this isn't so bad lol).  I have to worry if I am going to lose my job or if I am going to have trouble explaining why I am missing work.  Its nothing but anxiety and a painful situation.

And my favorite one to date....

Number Seven: "I have cramps too, have you tried Ibuprofen and a heating pad?" Actually, no I have just spent the past 11 years of my life thinking "hmmmm, I wonder if I should take some medicine and get a heating pad?" Let's be serious people, ibuprofen doesn't even put a dent in the pain.  Endometriosis is not just "bad cramps".  It is chronic pain caused by internal bleeding and inflammation.  Comparing Endometriosis flare ups to cramps is basically comparing a paper cut to a cut off limb, I promise it feels that awful at the time.

  I am saying these things with so much love!  This is not to make people feel bad or be upset because they have possibly said one of these things to me in the past.  I am WELL aware that most of these things are said out of love for me and not understanding what I need to hear, and that is the reason behind this post.  I want people to somehow, someway, kinda-sorta grasp the significance of these diseases.

  There are so many things you could say and do.  Checking in when you know I am feeling sick and just letting me know you are there to listen is sometimes all I need.  I am a pretty positive person for the most part.  I may have a few hours of whining, but I always come out smiling.  A big sorry to all my dear friends who have had to listen to my whining, just know I love you all so much and it means the world to me that you are willing to listen! 

  Acknowledging the fact that, yes I got my butt out of bed and brushed my hair today and made it to work.  That is a big accomplishment when you have a war going on in your uterus!  I may not look my best, but I am there! It may not seem like it matters, but just acknowledging that you know I am trying makes me feel like what I am going through matters.

  And Ya know, some days there might not be anything to say at all.  Some days I may just need a big hug.  And guess what?  I love hugs from those I hold dear to my heart! :):)



With ALL of that being said and all of the darkness it can bring I still have hope in my future.  I still hold on to the fact the God can get me through anything.  Though I have dark days, there are better ones ahead.  I recently came across a prayer in a book I was given and I have been praying this prayer every night since.  I find it so beautiful and perfect.  I hope that if there is anyone reading this post that is struggling at all like me that it will to help them.

Lastly, a quick little update on my recovery!  Things are moving along well, just had a few set backs and bad days, but all in all I am recovering well!

Day 10:

Day 11: